Definitely Maybe A Bad Call

Definitely Maybe A Bad Call - Even the Gallagher brothers would have to admit the album is not the greatest ever, writes Barry Divola.

LAST Saturday morning, the sky started filling with angry grey clouds, the wind began to roar and a thunderstorm threatened. I'd just read what 40,000 music fans had voted the greatest album of all time for the Guinness Book of British Hit Singles & Albums, so I assumed that on some astral plane, John Lennon had just made a cup of tea, started buttering his toast, put on his glasses and read it, too.

And he wasn't turning off his mind, relaxing and floating downstream. He was one angry (albeit dead) ex-Beatle.

The great unwashed had not come up with Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band or Revolver or The Beatles (better known as The White Album). They had not bestowed the honour on that other constant contender, Pet Sounds, by the Beach Boys. They hadn't grunged out (Nirvana's Nevermind), punked it up (the Clash's London Calling), taken it easy ( Hotel California by the Eagles), pretended to be cooler than they really were (Kraftwerk? The Velvet Underground?) or rigged it for a laugh (the Knack? Flock of Seagulls?).

They hadn't even played the "well, it sold by the skipload so it must be the best" card by awarding the medal to Michael Jackson's Thriller, Fleetwood Mac's Rumours, or something by Abba.

No, the greatest album of all time is apparently Oasis's Definitely Maybe. Presumably the entire poll was conducted outside pubs in Manchester and Bondi at closing time.

Definitely Maybe was definitely one of the 20 best albums of 1994. It was maybe one of the hundred best albums of the '90s. But even the Gallagher brothers, who are not renowned for their shyness when it comes to trumpeting their own worth, would have to hide their blushes and admit that calling their debut album the greatest of all time is a folly. Or, as Liam would have put it if Blur's Parklife had won, "total f---in' bollocks".

In fact, if you're weighing consistency, recognition, influence and just plain singalongability, Definitely Maybe isn't even the greatest Oasis album. It is full of swagger and vinegar and amazing confidence for a debut, and it does contain Rock 'n' Roll Star, Cigarettes and Alcohol and Live Forever. But the follow-up, 1995's (What's The Story) Morning Glory?, indisputably features their best-loved songs to this day - Don't Look Back In Anger, Some Might Say, Cast No Shadow, Champagne Supernova and every drunken Briton's national anthem, Wonderwall.

As for the band's longevity, their next album, 1997's Be Here Now, was a bloated monster of a thing that was the result of overblown egos and massive drug consumption. It is "the sound of a bunch of guys on coke in the studio not giving a f---". And that's not a critic talking - it's the opinion of Noel Gallagher. Still, Be Here Now is better than any of the three albums they've somehow squeezed out between arguments, sackings and divorces since then, despite the British music press cheerleading to the contrary with predictable and increasingly desperate calls of "return to form!"

Even Noel, in a rare moment of modesty, once admitted: "I pretty much summed up what I wanted to say in Rock 'n' Roll Star, Live Forever and Cigarettes and Alcohol. After that I'm repeating myself."

The Guinness World Records people also compile a more factual chart that lists the most successful artists of all time, based on how many weeks their singles and albums appeared in the British charts. Oasis comes in at No. 28 on that one. And sorry, but the Beatles only make it to No. 3. Elvis Presley tops the list, but No.2 is a real shock. It's not the Stones, not Madonna, not Michael Jackson, not U2, and not Elton John.

No, the second most successful artist of all time is Cliff Richard. What's even more frightening is the fact that his backing band, the Shadows, are at No. 7. No wonder people refer to the Guinness World Records. Suddenly I definitely (not maybe) feel like a stiff drink. And it's only 11 am.